(WO)Man in the Mirror

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_Gep5V5QnQ

Lately, I’ve been feeling something I didn’t expect - a gentle but persistent pull in a new professional direction. It started when I applied and was chosen to serve on our Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Council.

What I thought would be an opportunity to contribute and enhance my leadership skills to further my current professional path has turned into something far more personal and transformative. It’s as if stepping into this work nudged open a door I didn’t realize was there – one that is leading to a version of myself I’m only beginning to understand.

But here’s the thing: I have absolutely no idea where that door leads. And if I’m honest, that’s uncomfortable. I’ve always had a plan and understood what the next step was.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m floundering professionally. Not because my current work lacks meaning or value – because I still love what I do – but because something deep inside me is whispering that I’m meant for more… or maybe just meant for something different. And navigating the tension between the stability I’ve built and the curiosity calling me forward is its own kind of journey.

Sometimes life takes you on a journey that changes everything you thought you wanted. — Melaina Rayne

Being part of the Council means listening deeply, questioning long‑held assumptions, and seeing people’s experiences with more clarity and compassion. Understanding that my path has mirrored others and has not been by accident. It’s stretched me. It’s awakened parts of me that care fiercely about belonging and fairness and the kind of workplaces we’re capable of building together - ensuring that other black women that decide to venture into the technology field are not met with the same disparities that met me.

That shift hasn’t stayed neatly within the council meetings and events. It’s spilled into the rest of my life. I find myself thinking differently about leadership, mentorship and allyship, about the impact we each have, and about what it means to spend my time on work that feels aligned with who I’m becoming.

And that’s where things get complicated - because alignment doesn’t pay the bills.

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. — John F. Kennedy

I’m at an age where reinvention sounds appealing – invigorating even – but also realizing ageism is a real thing in the corporate world. Other realities that come to mind: responsibilities, financial commitments, and the very unglamorous truth that I’m not currently in a position to throw everything up in the air just to see where it lands.

So, I’m caught in the in the hallway – wanting to open doors, wanting to explore, needing to stay grounded, trying to reconcile dreams with logistics. It’s a bit like standing on the beach with one foot in the water and one foot in the sand, unsure whether I’m supposed to wade in or step back.

Some days, that uncertainty feels like possibility. Other days, it just feels like I’m lost – which I feel more times than not.

Change comes more from managing the journey than from announcing the destination. — William Bridges

What I’m learning – slowly – is that my floundering shouldn’t be considered failure. I’m treating it as feedback – a sign that something inside me is shifting, even if the outside pieces haven’t begun to move yet.

Maybe wandering is part of the work.

Maybe feeling restless is the first stage of growth.

Maybe I don’t need the entire roadmap before taking the first small steps toward figuring out who I want to be next.

So instead of fighting the uncertainty, I’m trying to sit with it. To notice what excites me. To observe what drains me. To follow the threads of conversations, ideas, and experiences that light me up – especially the ones connected to the DEI work that started all of this.

I may not be financially ready to make a dramatic career pivot, but I am ready to explore. And exploration doesn’t have to cost anything – right?

I can learn. I can volunteer. I can stretch into new skills. I can network with people who do work that inspires me. I can pay attention to what feels meaningful. And slowly, step by step, I can build a bridge from where I am to wherever I’m going next, even if I can’t yet see the full destination.

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. — Lao Tzu

Maybe this stage of my life isn’t about holding all the answers, which again feels very uncomfortable for me. Maybe it’s about collecting better questions:

• What kind of work makes me feel most alive?

• What impact do I want to have?

• Where does my natural curiosity lead me?

• What do I want the next chapter to say about who I am?

• What talents do I currently possess that can help me get to the next stage?

These questions don’t demand immediate action – they simply ask me to stay awake and pay attention to opportunities that may present themself.

So that’s where I am right now: not lost, but searching. Not failing, but evolving. Not stuck, but slowly, deliberately learning to trust the pull toward something new.

And perhaps one day, when the timing and resources align, I’ll look at the woman in the mirror and realize it wasn’t a detour at all, but the moment my real path began to emerge. Although the uncertainty is still there, it makes me optimistic about the future.

Until next time…thanks for listening!

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