Back to Life

Self reflection can be real hard, but once you learn to channel all that you saw into lessons, it can be a wonderful moment of realization and help get you to your happy place!

So, I just finished binge watching “Game of Thrones” and just let me say I don’t know what the hell took me so long (the show was freaking awesome)!! I absolutely love the way they introduce their nobles. I became familiar with this sort of introduction following one of my favorite authors, Luvvie Ajayi Jones, when she discussed the topic of Oríkìs on Facebook. As I put some thought into what my Oríkì would sound like, I came up with a little something like this:

“I am Tara

House of Reid,

First of my name,

Creative Genius,

Self-love don,

MiMi Extraordinaire, and

Queen of the Comeback.”

While I feel that this is a totally accurate description of me, the part that hits my heart the hardest these days is that of MiMi Extraordinaire.

So, y’all already know from my last post that I was engaged to be married. While engaged, we lived together and decided that while the wedding would not happen, we would stay together and do couples counseling to try to get things back on track. Well, a couple of weeks after the wedding was called off, I moved out of the house that I had made a home for me, him, and his daughter, whom I had grown to love very much. Her nickname for me was “MiMi” and hearing her say it tugs at my heartstrings to this day! I don't have biological kids and relished in becoming a wife to him and stepmom to this beautiful little girl. As I moved back to my house (which I gratefully kept), my heart broke; not only for my relationship, but for his daughter whom I love dearly.

Even though I had moved back to my house, her dad and I remained in a relationship as we were still trying to make it work. Needless to say, that came to an end and we decided to call it quits and I immediately wondered “Am I still her MiMi?”. The break-up with her father didn’t break me as much as the thought of not being able to see her grow up...at least in the way that I imagined. That was the spiral AFTER the spiral!!

Although her dad and I have moved on, I still love her just as much as I did when I was in her life every day and that will not change. I can only hope that I was able to make a good impression in her life, and as she continues to grow into a young lady, that the talks and lessons will stick with her.

I got to thinking…most of us deem marriage as the pinnacle of a successful relationship. I saw myself as a woman wanted and desired by someone enough for him to want to make me his wife. And I saw myself as an excellent MiMi.

Eventually, I had to learn to stop defining myself through my relationships, and that ring.

I was left feeling embarrassed and hurt that it was not going to happen the way I’d imagined it after I announced my soon to be marriage to the world. When I used to think of what my successful life would look like, my family and career was at the top of that list, and I felt that this was the final piece of the puzzle. My, my, my...life has a way of changing all perceptions! Somewhere along the journey to what I thought was the perfect culmination of all that I had done thus far, the pieces of myself that I enjoyed the most were no longer there.

So, one day, after all the tears, I made the decision to reverse all the negative self talk and get back to loving myself in a way that I'd never done before. Tara was back...with all of the lessons learned. I was ready to apply all of that to this new chapter through prayer, meditation, and a good therapist (y'all know she stays on speed dial!).

I saw the need to totally pivot! How do I get me back?

I had to pivot my feelings and viewership around successfulness, and then pivot the way I saw myself. I’m back on my self-love journey as I look to get back in shape and gain back all that I lost during that break-up (except for the weight LOL!). I used to think that pivoting meant I failed at something. I now understand that is not the case. That relationship provided me with many life lessons (cause Lord knows, I’m not perfect!) and gave me a wonderful bonus daughter.

When so much time and energy is put into something that yields no results, it’s truly upsetting.

As Queen of the Comeback, I am now set up for a great return to self. I’m remaining positive, finding my best single-girl flow, celebrating all my wins (big and small), and working to inspire others through my truth.

I can only hope that if you've had to redefine yourself and pivot at any point in your life, that there was growth and you are better for it. I know I am.

Thanks for listening! Until next time...